Getting head on straight.

I have been trying to get my head in the right place again. Sometimes I can get pretty messed up. It looks like we have a few things to think about with Jim's treatments etc. He has not given up yet.

He is feeling pretty weak and tired most of the time. Which is the hard part for him. He wants to go and do things, but doesn't have the energy. My hard part is not getting too far ahead of myself and thinking the worst. I know a lot of things have been falling on my shoulders to get done.

One good thing is that the doctor said that Jim should be able to take care of most of his personal needs. Something that has been a worry. I sure can't lift him and move him around, but from what I am told. We are a long ways from him not being to care for himself.
Roz

Nightmare

So it is as if the years between those days when my mother laying dying have never been. All of the pain and emotions come rushing back to me. Those feelings that were kept at bay just under the surface for so many years.

It is like the old soldier called back into combat once again. To relive the sights, the smells, the sounds and too feel the fear. All one can do is give comfort to the other, and try to keep things as normal as you can.

My fear is that I am not up too it and that I will fail. That my fears will drive me insane.

Roz

Grinding my teeth.

Not much to up date about, and most of what I have been thinking and doing doesn't need to be repeated. One of those days when going out in the backyard and cutting off a switch for a couple of people sounds real good to me.

So I just have been keeping my mouth shut and trying to go about my business. While grinding my teeth. We will know more about Jim this Thursday. I am not looking forward too any of this at all. I really, really don't think Jim or any of the others have any idea what we are in for in the next few months.

I really don't want to do this, but I will. I have too stop thinking about it. Because it makes me sad and I already feel worn out. Got to get a handle on all of this stuff. It will be alright.

Roz

We know now.

Jim does have lung cancer. We will not know what we will do until we talk with his cancer doctor. I am not very hopeful about the out come. Yet I have been wrong before.
Roz

Not 100% sure, but.

We spent most of the day at the VA. The doctor came out and told me that Jim has a mass in his lung. It bleed a lot and he did take samples, but it does look like it is going to be lung cancer. It is not something that we didn't expect. Since he already has two kinds of cancer. The doctor said we needed to find out what kind it is before we decide on a treatment plan.

Thursday we go to seem his primary doctor and also to have some kind of scan. This scan is suppose to show where all of his cancer is suppose to be located. Jim told the nurse that he should really light up that scan. He is doing alright, and so am I. We pretty much have known for some time the things that we face. My thing is making sure they take care of the pain. Not taking care of the pain can really make me into one mean bitch.

Roz

Jim's Health part two.

We made our way down to the VA at the crack of dawn. It was pretty much of a review of medical history and deciding what should be done next. The next thing to do is that we will go Tuesday and they will put a scope down his throat to have a look see and maybe if it is something that looks bad. They will take a sample. If they do that it will be about 5 days before we know the results. Don't know anything on the kidneys yet or what is planned. All a wait and see game.

We have been through these sort of things so much over the years. That we don't get too upset. I try not too think the worse and so does Jim. His way of thinking is, let's find out what it is and do something to make it better. So I go with his way of thinking.

Roz

Jim's health.

I am filled with sadness today. Jim's doctor called yesterday and said that he had a spot on his lung and a few spots on each kidney. We are hoping for the best. That the spot on his lung is just an infection and that the other spots are nothing to worry about. Yet I am worried. Tomorrow we go to have it checked out. I am hoping for good news. At least we know why Jim has felt so tired these last few months.

Will let you know what happens.

Roz