Monday, March 30, 2009

Getting head on straight.

I have been trying to get my head in the right place again. Sometimes I can get pretty messed up. It looks like we have a few things to think about with Jim's treatments etc. He has not given up yet.

He is feeling pretty weak and tired most of the time. Which is the hard part for him. He wants to go and do things, but doesn't have the energy. My hard part is not getting too far ahead of myself and thinking the worst. I know a lot of things have been falling on my shoulders to get done.

One good thing is that the doctor said that Jim should be able to take care of most of his personal needs. Something that has been a worry. I sure can't lift him and move him around, but from what I am told. We are a long ways from him not being to care for himself.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


So it is as if the years between those days when my mother laying dying have never been. All of the pain and emotions come rushing back to me. Those feelings that were kept at bay just under the surface for so many years.

It is like the old soldier called back into combat once again. To relive the sights, the smells, the sounds and too feel the fear. All one can do is give comfort to the other, and try to keep things as normal as you can.

My fear is that I am not up too it and that I will fail. That my fears will drive me insane.


Monday, March 23, 2009

Grinding my teeth.

Not much to up date about, and most of what I have been thinking and doing doesn't need to be repeated. One of those days when going out in the backyard and cutting off a switch for a couple of people sounds real good to me.

So I just have been keeping my mouth shut and trying to go about my business. While grinding my teeth. We will know more about Jim this Thursday. I am not looking forward too any of this at all. I really, really don't think Jim or any of the others have any idea what we are in for in the next few months.

I really don't want to do this, but I will. I have too stop thinking about it. Because it makes me sad and I already feel worn out. Got to get a handle on all of this stuff. It will be alright.


Thursday, March 19, 2009

We know now.

Jim does have lung cancer. We will not know what we will do until we talk with his cancer doctor. I am not very hopeful about the out come. Yet I have been wrong before.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Not 100% sure, but.

We spent most of the day at the VA. The doctor came out and told me that Jim has a mass in his lung. It bleed a lot and he did take samples, but it does look like it is going to be lung cancer. It is not something that we didn't expect. Since he already has two kinds of cancer. The doctor said we needed to find out what kind it is before we decide on a treatment plan.

Thursday we go to seem his primary doctor and also to have some kind of scan. This scan is suppose to show where all of his cancer is suppose to be located. Jim told the nurse that he should really light up that scan. He is doing alright, and so am I. We pretty much have known for some time the things that we face. My thing is making sure they take care of the pain. Not taking care of the pain can really make me into one mean bitch.


Friday, March 13, 2009

Jim's Health part two.

We made our way down to the VA at the crack of dawn. It was pretty much of a review of medical history and deciding what should be done next. The next thing to do is that we will go Tuesday and they will put a scope down his throat to have a look see and maybe if it is something that looks bad. They will take a sample. If they do that it will be about 5 days before we know the results. Don't know anything on the kidneys yet or what is planned. All a wait and see game.

We have been through these sort of things so much over the years. That we don't get too upset. I try not too think the worse and so does Jim. His way of thinking is, let's find out what it is and do something to make it better. So I go with his way of thinking.


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Jim's health.

I am filled with sadness today. Jim's doctor called yesterday and said that he had a spot on his lung and a few spots on each kidney. We are hoping for the best. That the spot on his lung is just an infection and that the other spots are nothing to worry about. Yet I am worried. Tomorrow we go to have it checked out. I am hoping for good news. At least we know why Jim has felt so tired these last few months.

Will let you know what happens.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Spring where are you?

I have not fallen down once today and it is almost noon. I need to pay attention to what I am doing. I get so distracted with other things. Jim was up at the crack of dawn to go to the VA. They wanted to do a cat scan this morning. So that is out of the way and he is back home.

It is pretty darn cold here now and it looks like it is going to stay cold at least for this week. We did get some much needed rain this last week. Which makes me happy because it will help our garden this spring. I don't know about all of you, but I am ready to get out into the yard and start digging. We still need to get that tree out of our yard that fell down. Jim has done some cutting, but we need to load it up and get it gone.

So life is just rolling along. Didn't hurt my self too bad with this last fall. Just skinned my knee.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Jim's Birthday

Today is Jim's Birthday. His present is the dog he brought home a couple of weeks ago. I did bake him a spice cake with cream icing and made him a nice supper. He is happy and full. So that was easy to take care of.

Damn I fell down again this morning. It had rain last night and I was hurrying down the drive way in my moccasins when my foot slipped out from under me. Now I have a nice big bruise on one of my knees. I swear I need a padded to suit to wear. I am ready for someone else to take over all of this falling down.

Not much else going on.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Gifts and other things

I think that I am finally getting caught up on things. I am giving my son my car, and so I had to find out how to gift him the car. It turned out to be a lot easier than I thought. If I give it too him as a gift he does not have to pay sells tax.

I want to call the insurance people and have one our trucks dropped to just liablity. It is eight years old and wrecked twice. So I don't think it is worth carring full coverage on it any more. Giving the car to my son and dropping coverage on the one truck will save me a bundle of money.

So on we go trying to get things done.


Saturday, March 7, 2009

Healing and wild things.

The butt is better the visit with my son went well. Spring flowers are beginning to poke through the ground. So I would say in about a month things will be in bloom.

The dogs were barking at something last night. Jim got up and said their was a dog in the yard next door. I put on my glasses to take a look and I don't know what it was, but I don't believe it was a dog. I have been seeing this rather furry creature ambling along the drive way at our house and down the street. I am not sure what animal it is suppose to be. I sure wasn't going out in the middle of the night too take a look. We thought maybe a wood chuck, coon, or something along that variety of animal. It is about the size of out dogs and has pointed ears. I kind of wondered if it was a kitty of the will kind. Because of the ears. I do believe I well leave it alone.


Thursday, March 5, 2009

Crazy days and nights.

It has been another crazy first week of the month for me. Bills to pay things to stock up on etc. I got most if not all of it done yesterday. I got a couple of days behind because of the butt fall. Now I am caught up and I have decided to relax for today.

Tomorrow I have my younger son too see about. That will take me a couple of hours to do. Most of it will be driving him around to where he wants to go. Which means that I will be hurting by the time I get home. It hurts to drive the truck, but I will do what needs to be done.

Crazy strange dreams last night. I was trying to dig my way out of a mud slide most of the night. Jim said I was kicking like crazy. He is some what worn out this morning. I guess you could call that pay back for all of the nights he has kept me awake. So it goes.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Bruised my butt.

No I have not left the world of the living. I have been crazy busy with stuff. Family etc. etc. etc. Plus I fell Friday and bruised my butt big time. It has given some trouble just getting dressed and moving around. So I have not been feeling too chipper these last few weeks. With my being sick and everyone else being sick. Maybe we will get over all of this stuff soon.

Jim brought home another dog. Lord help us. Now we have three. He just could not let it go too an animal shelter. He found it at one of those rescue things. I swear I am going to forbid him from going to those places.

I feel worn out so I am making these entries short. Hope everyone is doing OK.