Monday, December 26, 2011

Family and stuff.

Family and stuff have kept me busy. My oldest son is moving in for awhile with me. He brings along his girlfriend and their puppy. Oh my poor floors. Oh my poor house, and just when I almost have everything neat and in place. Oh well it will be OK. I think.

The back bedroom Steven and I painted this last week. It had not been painted in I don't know how many years, and looked awful. I am having a new rug put in, I hope soon. The store has the rug. I just have too wait on the guys who install too call and set a time. I also plan on getting a new bed for that room. I got rid of the old one when Jim passed away. Steven and his girlfriend are going too put their things in storage. Which we all agreed made it a lot easier. I would get the room done, and get a guess bedroom. When they leave. So I should have a place for others who come and visit a place to sleep.

My younger son is in the hospital. His medication was doing a bad number on his body, and we took it away. When we did that he had a mental break, and now we are working too get him back and on the right track. He is doing better and I think we may have the problem solved.

Christmas was nice. Steven and Cindy came over and fixed dinner. While they were doing that, I went up too see my younger son in the hospital. I wanted too spend at least a little time with him on Christmas and give him a gift. He seems too be doing so much better. Eating and sleeping better, and seems too be happier. Which is a relief, because I was very worried about him.

I didn't really feel too bad about Jim not being here on Christmas. Time is passing and life is moving on, and my feelings are becomming more settled as time goes bye. I don't really mind being single or on my own. In some ways after all that Jim and I went through it is kind of a relief not too see him suffer and worry about him all of the time. I enjoy my time listening too music and reading. Most of the time I feel at peace. Might not be that way when my son moves in too the house. I am sure it will be busy.


Saturday, December 17, 2011

Comfort Zone.

I need to step outside my comfort zone. Get out and explore things. Funny how I thought that would be easy once Jim was gone. Not as easy as I thought. I keep thinking once this year is done and over with it will be somehow easier. Maybe a New Years resolution to start things anew.

Maybe the VA will finally start sending my widows benifit. That would settle a lot of things for me, and make it easier. Getting things out of the way from my old life takes time. I will be glad when I get on the other side of all of this.


Friday, December 16, 2011

Who am I?

I know that maybe a strange question, but so many things have changed in the last six months. That I have been thrown off balance. One I am no longer Jim's wife, or care giver. I am not a grandmother. I don't feel as old as my years. I have no idea where I am going and really what I want too do.

I know that I planned on traveling, but I can't seem to make any plans. It is hard for me just too make myself get out of the house. Then there is the question which I am sure is way too early to be even be thinking about, do I want a man in my life? My fear about that is being hurt. You get rather spoiled being married to one person so many years. It is so easy too take for granted that love, and them seeing you the way you like too be seen. I was really comfortable with Jim's perception of me.

I know the basic part of me is the same. Now though I am single, healthy, and I need something too keep me healthy. I really don't want too make emotional stupid mistakes. Right now my emotions are all over the place. One minute up the next minute weepy. What do I want? I want too be a strong, confident older woman.  Does any one have a guide book? Because at this point I could sure use one.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

What are you worth?

Most people would think when you ask them that question. That you were asking how big a house they had or how many cars, or how much do they make. And they would be wrong.

I have known the guy down the street for years. I watched him struggle, and watched his kids grow up. Most people would just write Doug off as a loser, but I like Doug. Why? Will he doesn't throw rocks at my house or shoot up the neighborhood. Doug is the person too call when you need a tree cut down, or the drain unplugged. He knows everyone who is in the service industry. Honest people you can call to get a job done without it costing an arm or leg. I feel safe with Doug. He isn't out too hurt me or cause me any trouble. So what is Doug worth? He is worth a lot because he is a decent man.

Most of the people around here are just blue collar workers struggling to get by. They are good people like Jim next door who has a small patch of grass for a front yard. Who when he cuts it somehow always seems to get carried away and mows my little patch of grass too. I don't have any doubts that if I needed him or his wife they would be over here in a New York minute.

I stopped measuring people by what they had or didn't have a lot of years ago. Too me it isn't about what I can get from someone. It is about the comfort level I feel around them. I don't ask much from anyone I know. Be friendly don't throw rocks at my house or let the dogs out. Don't go creeping around my house at night. Don't try too fool me into giving you what I don't have too give. I don't have a lot, but it is mine by a lot of hard work.   If you are hungry or in need I will scrape something together and help you out. In return I will not throw rocks at your house, or break in and steal what you have worked so hard too get.

If you listen too the news and the politicians you would think everyone is lazy and out too get you. The truth is that this country has a lot of good decent hard working folk. They are the  ones who only ask that they be treated fairly, and not be judged. Life isn't always fair or easy when  you are just one of many. We may be looked upon as the unwashed masses of humanity, but in reality for the most part. We are people just trying to get along.