Friday, July 22, 2011

Wrapping it up.

My life has been busy these last few weeks and months. Now I am winding things down and finishing up business. So much paper work, and so much you have too take care of and decide when someone has passed away.

Things have gone pretty smooth. Thanks too all of the planning we did before Jim passed. I just more or less followed my list marking off things. I am almost finished with most of it. Now it well be about taking care of my day to day life.

Thank goodness for all of my friends and support they have given me. I really don't know how I would have made it. They listen to me when I thought I just couldn't take things anymore. They were there with their encouragement and a shoulder to cry on. All of them have given me so much love that I feel filled up and over flowing with it. It just blows me away. I think how in the world did I deserve such friends?

Jim's family has also been great. I sure can't complain about any of them. They did Jim proud by showing up and giving such loving support too me and the boys. Both of which did really well. My older son gave the eulogy and I was so proud of him. He did a wonderful job. It was lovely and respective. The Leavenworth National Cem. is beautiful and so well kept. I am glad I decided to put Jim too rest in that lovely place. The boys and myself will be laid to rest next too Jim when our time comes. Which is a comfort. Jim never had a chance of getting away from me at least not for long or very far away. LOL Not that I plan on joining him very soon.

I still have things too see and things too do. My dance card seems to be filling up fast with so many people too see and things too do.I still am looking forward too a day just for me. I am sad, happy, and relieved all at the same time. Excited about life and sad that Jim can not enjoy it with me. So it goes. Life just rolls along.


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Jim doesn't live here anymore.

Some of you may already know that Jim passed away July 12Th. Tomorrow we have the funeral at the Leavenworth National Cemetery. My son Steven will give the eulogy for his father.Which seems so right on so many levels.

At times I feel sad, and at other times I am glad that all of this sickness and his suffering is done. I well move on with my life, because as we all know life is for the living. I will always hold Jim in my heart. I will cry for him, and I will raise my fist too the heavens and yell at him. I know that he left me better prepared than most. Worries about money and medical care are all taken care of for me. He wanted too make sure that I would be OK.

I know at times I will not be OK. I will learn too live alone and take charge of my life. It has been a journey for me. Some parts very happy, other parts very sad. Yet if you asked me would I have chosen some one else too make this journey with in this life? I would tell you no.

We had a bond between us, and we had a love that I could never have had with another man. It was always as if we were suppose too be with each other, and as strange as it may seem. Nothing could break us apart except his death. It is a rare thing too find what we had together. It is hard to explain too others. Because at times we hated each other, and at other times we loved each other so much it hurt. All of it was Jim and me. It was always about the two of us. Others can come and go in your life, but Jim mmm what can I say. I loved him.