I was warned too watch out for feelings that would catch up too me. They do now and again and I feel melancholy at those times. Not that I wish too go back which too me would be rather stupid and pointless. It is just old feelings and flashes of things from the pass come unbidden. Making me sad, and always wondering in terms of what if's.
I suppose that when you get old these things happen even with out someone passing away. It is just that even though I have a lot I should be doing. I find myself sitting and staring off into no where. I will get up off my butt. Once I have wound my way through the maze of my mind. I am never sure what I will be when I come out the other side of this maze, but I don't think it will be the person I was when I wandered into that place.
Ted's doctor asked me one day about my feelings and how I was doing. That was before Jim passed away. Truth is I just was tired and wanted it too be over with at the time. I think whatever feelings I had were on vacation. I told him I didn't have time for feelings. He said I was only human and humans have feelings. Yes we do but sometimes you have too put them aside. Later like now they will come back and you will need like I am doing now. Sort them all out. Because they are in a heap that keeps tripping me up at unexpected times. Tedious is what it is, but another thing too be taken care of in my world.