Wednesday, December 29, 2010

End of the year already?

Just a few more days and we will be trying to see the New Year in again. I don't know where the time goes.

Jim is hanging in there, but has lost a lot of weight. We will see his cancer doctor this coming month. We had talked about chemo for him, but I don't think we will be doing chemo. Jim and me are now in the part of this journey. Where quality of life is the most important thing too both of us. It doesn't make sense to make his last days miserable. When nothing will cure anything.

So we get up every day get dressed, put the dog out, read the paper and talk about this and that thing. We try to face each day as a normal every day thing. Some days he can do more, and other days he sleeps a lot. Some days he feels pretty well, and other days he doesn't.

We had a nice Christmas this year. My older son and his girlfriend went over and got my younger son and took him back later. We exchanged gifts, and had a nice dinner. Everyone seem to enjoy themselves, and they were happy. So I had a nice Christmas.

Next thing up for Jim and me is our wedding anniversary. We will have been married 47 years January 5Th. That seems like a lot of years, and it has gone really faster than I expected. Plus it seems to have been crammed full of lots of living. One minute you are young and the next minute you are old.

I will try to get back here from time too time. Right now. I am just spending as much time as I can with Jim.


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

As always.

I finally got around to scrubbing the bathroom. Ceiling, walls, tiles and floors. I just couldn't stand it anymore and had to make myself get it done.

I bought Jim a Christmas tree cookie jar. I also filled it with his favorite candy. So now he has a Christmas tree, and I don't have too feel bad about not going out and buying a real one or artificial tree. I am not a Christmas person. I think growing up in my family and all of the teasing and other nonsense ruined it for me. Plus Jim had to be the worlds worst gift giver. God love him, but he was an idiot in our younger days.

I know, I know Christmas isn't about gifts etc. I have heard it all, but when you go all year doing with out. You just want one day when you get something, anything, that you might like, or when someone asks you what your husband got you? That you don't have too say something like, he gave me, a mop and bucket. Then of course they have too show you the new diamond ring or what ever their loving husband got them. It was like my husband loves me more than your husband loves you. What ever. At least my floors are cleaner than your floors. So there, take that you witch. Hope you wind up in divorce court, and have too make a living scrubbing some one else floors.

Now when I look back it was all kind of funny in a strange sort of way. I would tell Jim what I wanted and he would give me some off the wall gift. I would write down my size for everything and he still could not get it right. So you can guess after all of these years, and all of the tears and yelling. He finally when I finally gave up on his gift giving. He went off and bought me this expensive ruby and diamond necklace. I just looked at it and didn't know what too say. I just kept thinking don't say anything, don't dig yourself a hole you can't get out of.

I know you think I am nuts, but I kept thinking why after all of these years. When I am old and don't give a shit about this sort of thing. You buy something like this for a gift. It wasn't about what a gift cost. It was about a gift too someone you love. All it ever had too be was something sweet and thoughtful. It could have been a single rose, or just a little love note. Just something that meant. I really do love you. Of course I know he loves me. I just wanted him too show me, and say it in a nice way.

I know we women are silly that way, but even if I am wrinkled, gray, and old. I still like too be told or shown that I am loved. I sure needed that when I was younger and had spent a day with dirty diapers and thrown up spit all over me. It is way too easy too take each other for granted.


Friday, December 3, 2010


That person on the left with the gray shirt is me. This was taken on my trip too Branson Missouri. The trip I went on with classmates and wives of clasemates. Dam they are an old looking bunch of kids.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Quiet Corner

Sometimes I feel this need for a quiet corner of the world too think and reflect. So often I write for myself and not for others. Not that I don't want too see or hear from others, but sometimes peace and quiet is nice.

It has been busy in some ways for me. I made a trip down too Branson Missouri and enjoyed a day or two with old friends that I went too school with years ago. It was good for me too touch base with others and catch up on their lives. Funny every time I envy someone for their life. I find out that mine is in my mind better.

I have found that I am interested in others and wish them well, but do I want too go about living my life the way they do? No is the answer too that question. I am who I am and they are who they are, and my needs and wants are different.

My friend who lost her husband is getting on with her life. She has been dating, and going out, and even has a new job. She tells me that she is happy. So of course I am not hearing as much from her, and that is to be expected. I am happy for her.

All of this brings too mind. What I want from life when Jim is no longer with me. The truth is I don't know for sure, and have decided that these things will come too me all in time. I am not my friend, and in so many ways we are different. I have lived a very different kind of life then she has lived.

I listen to a female classmate who has been married to her husband since shortly after we graduated. She has not been happy, and now he is very sick and living in a nursing home. She complains about being lonely, but has rejected my offer of friendship. I don't take it personal, because once again I have lived a different life.

I don't think I realized until this trip how full my life has been. How many things I have done and how much I have accomplished in my life. I always worried too much about what others would think of me. When in fact it doesn't make much difference. I really don't feel any regrets, even if others would like me too feel that way.

My hope is that I will find a way to handle any emotional issues, I might have concerning Jim if he should go before me. Which is likely. I know one way or the other I will find my way. I hope that life brings me an adventure to grow and learn from.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Trying to stay awake.

It has gotten cold here in Missouri, and I still have pleanty to do outside. Sigh. I need to bring some plants in before the big freeze tonight. I also need to take the trash out. Not something I like doing, but it will get done.

Had to buy a new light for the dinning room, as the one in that one is popping and smoking. Not good. So I hopped on over too the local Lowe's store and got a new light. We spend a lot of time in that room, watching TV, reading etc. You would think we didn't have a living room at all. The living room doesn't seem to get much use these days. Only when I want to watch something different then Jim does. We have TV's in both rooms. Jim likes the dinning room.

The teenage girl next door has been coming over and helping Jim with his garden. Planting those rose bushes he bought, and he plans to get her to plant some bulbs today. I think she is a little spooked being alone at home. So she comes and hangs out with us until her dad gets home. We like her so no problem.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Life is crazy.

Life is full of the unexpected. Just like the whole thing with JS people getting together on face book. What a hoot. Just about the time you think everyone has gone away and you wonder what happen to them. People come racing back into your life.

I took a trip this week down to Branson Missouri. I got a call from an old HS classemate. Who wanted all of us to get together and come too the alumin banquet. I like this guy. We rode the same bus to school for years, went to Sunday school together, and just grew up around each other. He is a good guy, so I went.

That is when he and some others started too make plans to get together in Branson. One of our old classmates owns a resort on the lake. So I went and had the time of my life. It was so much fun seeing everyone and catching up on what had happen in their lives over the years. It was like having a family reunion. Ray was right when he said we had such a strong connection to each other and I am glad I went to this reunion.

We plan to do this next year, and I am looking forward to going again. I think we need to sometimes connect to others that meant so much to each of us. We were a very small class in a country school, and we spent most of our growing up years together. So we all share a lot of history some good and some not so good, but let me tell you the good out weights all of the bad by a long shot.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

This and that.

I have been watching Earl and thinking about those along the East coast and of course hoping that things go alright for them. It's has been rainy and humid here in KC, but it suppose to cool off and be a really nice weekend.

Sunday I went to see some of my family. Not something that I get too do often enough. I wanted to see my niece and her husband whom I had not meet yet. Plus I wanted to see her two little ones. She and her family is off too Japan for the next three years. He is in the Marines. So I wanted to see them before they took off. They were headed too NC to do some things before they left and fly out of that area. I have been wondering how they are doing with the storm and all coming at them. I am sure the Marines will see too their needs.

I don't have any plans for the Labor Day weekend. Jim and I will just hang around here like we do most weekends.

I have a trip planned for October with some old classmates from of all places HS. We all plan to go to Branson and hang out for a couple of days. I am sure that I will enjoy it.


Monday, August 30, 2010

So here I am.

I come and go from this place. I find that writing even in one space is more than I can do at times. Still I miss some of you more that you will ever know. Like Dee I miss the old JS crew, but like to like some others write in peace.

Updates I should do too let you all know that I am still among the living. Jim also is still with me hanging on. We try to live our days just like anyone else. We get up get dressed read the paper, and then try to get on with the things of the day.

I have too wonder at Jim and why he is still here, with all of his ill health. Yet still he gets up each morning and it is a welcome surprise to me. I know others have lost their partners while I still have mine to at least see, and speak with during my days. It is a good thing. Life goes on at a fast clip. Which never seems to slow down. It makes me wonder how I ever thought time could go bye so slow.

At least one thing I have learned is to take what you get and enjoy it. Live is too short to sweat the stupid stuff.


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Harassing the wildlife.

Our dogs kept me up barking the last couple of nights. Finally yesterday I saw the problem. A young coon who was in one of our trees. I got the BB gun and shot it in the butt a couple of times. Which made it come down and get in the vine over one of our arbors. I tried knocking it out with a long stick, but that little shit sure knew how to cling to those vines. It finally went all the way to the top of one of our trees. I guess some time in the night it found a way out of our yard. Gone I hope forever.

If it had fallen on the ground our dogs would have had lunch. They sure wanted that coon bad. Trixie tried to climb the tree it was in and got a couple of feet up. She almost got it's tail. Nothing much stays in our yard for long. Which is good as I don't want the wild life roaming around my yard. They like to eat my peaches and other things I have growing.

Don't get me wrong I enjoy wild life just don't like them eating my peaches and other things.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I have trying to decide what too do today. Not that I don't have the normal stuff to do. Seems like I have a hard time getting out and doing things. Some of which has to do with the heat, and not wanting to spend money.

Our dog Sassy kept me awake last night. I think something must be living in the vines out in the back yard. Jim is going to beat on it and see if he can scare what ever it is away. I think it must be out little coon family.

Made some stuffed peppers and shared a few with the young couple across the street. They are having a hard time right now with all of the things that go with being young and trying to raise a son etc. She came over and talked with me for about an hour. I try to encourage her and let her vent. I know it can be a struggle at her age. I think she just needed to know she was doing OK and it is just hard sometimes. All of which is normal.

So it goes.


Monday, July 26, 2010


I guess lighting struck KCL. I don't know when it will return. So it goes. Jim and me are doing fine. It is hot and steamy here in Missouri, so I have not been getting out much. I had a tree service guy look at the trees in my yard. I have several limbs big ones hanging over the house that worry me. I may see about getting them trimed up.

I rented some movies to watch. I have gotten bored with reading all of the time, and my favorite authors can't keep up with my reading habit. Plus I just have a hard time finding things that interest me.