Friday, November 30, 2012


I got an e-mail from my congressman yesterday. So I wrote him back, and told him of my concerns. Over the years I have watched a lot of people come and go. Some I was glad too see go, and others? I liked them for keeping in mind that they were elected too that office by people like me. All I ever wanted them too do was the right thing.

I can't say that I minded paying my taxes. I would look at the amount taken out of mine and Jim's paycheck and think of all of the things I could use that money for too keep our family going. Politicians seem too forget for all their words that they are suppose too be working for you and me. They forget that even though we do not have a lot of money. That it is people like us who keep this country running. We are the ones who get their children too school and back home safe. We are the ones who fix things, build things, stand behind checkout counters, fill the shelves and do all of those little things that need too be done.

I was brought up too believe that no matter the job you held. That you do it and be proud of your work. It has always been OK with me that I was not rich. I am happy with my little house, and what I have worked for over the years. I do resent people saying the poor are a burden on society. No we are not. If not for us this country would come too a grinding halt.

Who would protect this country if not for all the privates in the military? The rich are welcome too have what they have, but while we are keeping this country going and protecting them so they can be rich. They need too pay their fair share. Just because I am not rich. Doesn't mean that I am stupid. I am who I want too be, I live the way I do because it is how I want too live.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Feeling more myself.

I thought I knew what too expect when Jim was in his last days. Thought I was ready, and knew all of the steps for grieving. I could get through this easy, no problem. Right? Wrong!

What I didn't expect was other people's greed. Those who were right there welling too take advantage of you. Boy was that a big disappointment. The ones who disappeared when you needed someone too just hold your hand. Should have known, should have expected it.

Didn't expect my younger son with mental problems too fall apart like he did. Yet he did, and he has been in and out of the hospital off and on the last year. At last we seem too be making some head way with him and his illness. That sure kept knocking me off my feet for the last year. He just gave up and it has been a battle just keeping him alive.

Then the older son who reached that age, and started too wonder if his choice of what he wanted too be was the right one. Disappointment with where he was at with his job and life. Depression. Moving in with me too give him time too think about reflect on his life. Giving him time too decided and just find himself and his courage too move ahead.

Then there was my doublts about myself. What did I want, and who did I want too be just friends with, and all the things one must accept when facing a life, with out the other person. The one who knew you better than even your own mother. The one you would fight with, make love with, and just put up with every day.

I keep telling myself, and the boys. That what is important is that we have each other, and that we love one another. Some how the three of us will get through things together, because of that love, and because we care about each other.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The more I think about it.

I can't say that I have stopped looking for someone, but the likely hood of that happening is pretty slim too none. Call me picky, call me full of myself, but here is my reasons for being so darn picky.
It is a biological fact that we are attracted too nice looking people. I can't say that I don't have my faults, because I do. Then there is personality. I can't help or want too change how I view things.

Jim and me didn't start off our life together looking like crap. We both were nice looking people and were attracted too each other. Then we got too know each other and liked each other, and then we fell in love.

It is a little hard to explain to others that being together and caring about one another makes a big difference in how one looks. You tend too except the changes that come with age, because you still are the same person and you both are going through the same bodily changes.

It maybe is shallow of me in some ways, but if I was too find someone else. I would want too be attracted too them and like them. I would also like them too be attracted too me and like me too. I want a relationship that is a two way street. No games please. Not interested fine. We don't even have too be friends.

I dated enough in my younger years before Jim. Too know. That not every person you date or meet is going too be the right person. I have pretty much decided, that if I find someone good. If not, well. I can be OK with that too.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Some place quiet for my thoughts.

I have spent a lot of time in  my thoughts this last year. Trying too decide what I want too do with the rest of my life. I have tried getting out and meeting people and doing things, but I feel lost. Some how in the years I was a care giver for Jim. I lost something, and now I feel empty. My purpose in life is gone.

A friend of mine who lost her husband a couple of years ago. Says she is reinventing herself, and starting anew. My problem is who do I want too become. I don't know.

When I was younger life stretched endlessly onward, and I had loads of time too make things right. Plenty of time too do things. I thought I wanted too do, plenty of time for everything. Now? It is different.

I can come up with a long list of things I don't want. I don't want too move into another place.
I would like too date, but that list of who I want too date and what I want from a date is long. Most of what I don't want it seems too me is common sense. I will not date a person involved in drugs. I don't do drugs and I don't want too be around them. Drinking is alright, unless that person can't get through a day without drinking. I don't know how too meet someone new.

Sure I know you just have too put yourself out there, but where do you put yourself out there?  It seems like everyone I know is years younger than me, and I don't expect some young guy too be interested in me. Nor do I think I would be interested in them.

Maybe the problem is that I am still feeling a little tender still from my lose of Jim.