Feeling more myself.

I thought I knew what too expect when Jim was in his last days. Thought I was ready, and knew all of the steps for grieving. I could get through this easy, no problem. Right? Wrong!

What I didn't expect was other people's greed. Those who were right there welling too take advantage of you. Boy was that a big disappointment. The ones who disappeared when you needed someone too just hold your hand. Should have known, should have expected it.

Didn't expect my younger son with mental problems too fall apart like he did. Yet he did, and he has been in and out of the hospital off and on the last year. At last we seem too be making some head way with him and his illness. That sure kept knocking me off my feet for the last year. He just gave up and it has been a battle just keeping him alive.

Then the older son who reached that age, and started too wonder if his choice of what he wanted too be was the right one. Disappointment with where he was at with his job and life. Depression. Moving in with me too give him time too think about reflect on his life. Giving him time too decided and just find himself and his courage too move ahead.

Then there was my doublts about myself. What did I want, and who did I want too be just friends with, and all the things one must accept when facing a life, with out the other person. The one who knew you better than even your own mother. The one you would fight with, make love with, and just put up with every day.

I keep telling myself, and the boys. That what is important is that we have each other, and that we love one another. Some how the three of us will get through things together, because of that love, and because we care about each other.