Sometimes I feel this need for a quiet corner of the world too think and reflect. So often I write for myself and not for others. Not that I don't want too see or hear from others, but sometimes peace and quiet is nice.
It has been busy in some ways for me. I made a trip down too Branson Missouri and enjoyed a day or two with old friends that I went too school with years ago. It was good for me too touch base with others and catch up on their lives. Funny every time I envy someone for their life. I find out that mine is in my mind better.
I have found that I am interested in others and wish them well, but do I want too go about living my life the way they do? No is the answer too that question. I am who I am and they are who they are, and my needs and wants are different.
My friend who lost her husband is getting on with her life. She has been dating, and going out, and even has a new job. She tells me that she is happy. So of course I am not hearing as much from her, and that is to be expected. I am happy for her.
All of this brings too mind. What I want from life when Jim is no longer with me. The truth is I don't know for sure, and have decided that these things will come too me all in time. I am not my friend, and in so many ways we are different. I have lived a very different kind of life then she has lived.
I listen to a female classmate who has been married to her husband since shortly after we graduated. She has not been happy, and now he is very sick and living in a nursing home. She complains about being lonely, but has rejected my offer of friendship. I don't take it personal, because once again I have lived a different life.
I don't think I realized until this trip how full my life has been. How many things I have done and how much I have accomplished in my life. I always worried too much about what others would think of me. When in fact it doesn't make much difference. I really don't feel any regrets, even if others would like me too feel that way.
My hope is that I will find a way to handle any emotional issues, I might have concerning Jim if he should go before me. Which is likely. I know one way or the other I will find my way. I hope that life brings me an adventure to grow and learn from.