Monday, October 24, 2011


I awoke this morning with the word mom sliding through my mind. For an instant it was as if she were calling too me. Ghost from the pass. Maybe the dead do stay with you and comfort you at the most unexpected times.

Even though Jim is not here I feel he is here in this house, and it gives me comfort knowing that maybe he has never really left. That somehow he is watching over me. Maybe it is just a way for my mind too find comfort in his being gone.

I am still trying too move ahead, but seem too be having a problem with it. I know I should be doing things like finishing the painting doing some more work outside. Yet I can't seem too make my self go too work on these things. Instead I find my mind wandering here and there never really landing on anything. I think that maybe it is the process that one goes through with grieving. A dam nuisance if you ask me.

Winter is coming and I wonder what that will mean. Will I hide away like a bear in a cave, or will I find the well too get out and live life. It is at times harder than one might think. The other thing is the waiting for things like my widows benefit too finally be settled. I know it will, it just takes time. Time that at my age seems too be wasted on this waiting, and waiting.

Then there is the waves of sadness  that hits me from time too time. I don't  cry much, because I have trained myself not too. Which in some ways makes things harder. It is as if I just let go I would somehow move on and feel better. Maybe I am just not ready too let go.

This is an experience I would not wish on anyone.



Anonova said...

Roz, I'm sorry to see I missed Jim's passing. My condolences to you and your "boys".

I wish you comfort during your grieving process.

Maybe the home things aren't calling to you right now for a reason. Maybe now would be a good time to try the traveling I remember you speaking of a while back.

Thinking of you with many hugs.

Roz said...

Thank you Anonova.

Dorrie said...

Roz, I know what you mean about not getting things done and just thinking "too much". In spite of all my activities, there are times that I, too, do the same.... much to do but no "motivation" to do it. No matter what the cause, it's normal and nothing for you to worry about, yet.

Hang in there... things will turn out ok. As with many other things in life, some things do need time.

Sunny said...

Hello Roz~ I'm so sorry about Jim's passing. Yes you are right, Jim is still there with you, or his spirit is, anyway.

Do you remember back in JS Land when I wrote about Sunday dinner and my Gramma ? She was right there sitting in the chair. ( I have goosebumps right now!) Then she faded away.

I have been through the sadness and depression of my first husband passing, and a few select family members. Greiving is good for you and will help pave the way to brighter and more "get out and do things" way of life.

It's still too soon. It's natural and normal for you to feel this way. You are okay, you will be okay always :)

Sending hugs, from Sunny