Wednesday, October 19, 2011


I often think of all of you and this blog, but just can't seem too make myself write a single word. So how am I getting along? Not bad most of the time. I have my moments, but over all I have come to accept this new life of mine.
I could say that I miss Jim, but it seems as if this whole house is still full with his spirit, almost as if sometimes he never left. I took a day and went over too the cemetery after they said his headstone had been placed. I stayed for a couple of hours crying for him, and feeling lost. Then I drove too the old home place he grew up at, and? He wasn't there. Silly I suppose thinking the way I did that day. Wanting him too come home, and feeling as if I could not find him. When all along he really seems too be here in this house.
This grieving stuff is a pain. Yet it is something one goes through no matter what we want, or what we think. I feel a comfort being here in this old house. It is after all home.
At the beginning it seemed I had a need for others too be around. Then it has happen that, I have grown tried of all of the advise, and the meddling that others can't seem too keep from doing. You would think that I am a helpless child with no brain at all. No help for it but too tell a few too get on down the road. Maybe later I will regret my temper.
I am taking things slower now. Giving thought too what I really want to do with my life. I still do not feel a need to find someone else. Maybe it is too soon, or maybe what I see is not too my liking. Like I told my son. I am not a young woman anymore, and I don't need too have someone point that out too me. I don't want too care for another sick man or one who simply sees that being with me is an advantage for him. Too many have asked about what I intend too do with Jim's tools, and other things. So eager too help me dispose of them, and other things.
I always felt someone protected from the predators, but for awhile I felt exposed. So it is that I have let others know how I really feel, and that I am not one you can take advantage. People always with the greed. Sigh. So maybe my temper has really saved me from doing something stupid. I will take it slow and decide for myself what is best for me.